Saturday, January 28, 2012

Here’s To the Next Generation of Girls

I’m not sure what it is about being female, but we are inherently caddy.  Maybe it’s because we grow up always comparing ourselves to others and, therefore, must find fault in others to feel better about ourselves.  But, something happened the other day that just shocked me. 

We were at one of our favorite play places when I noticed this group of preschool/kindergarten age girls.  Two girls stood out because they were obviously the queen bees.  It wasn’t long before another little girl was complaining to her mom, “they are being mean to me and won’t play with me.”  And I thought “what?  When did little girls get so mean?"  Long story short, it wasn’t long before this girl was “accepted” into their group and SHE was being mean to other little girls (who had enough sense to not care.) 

As often happens, this got me thinking about what I want for my girls.  I’m sure that I’m not different from most parents out there.  Here is just a sample of my long list:

  1. Confidence.  In whom they are and what they can do.  I want them to understand that they may not be the best at everything but, at the same time, know that they can do anything that they put their minds to.
  2. Respect for others.  This is something that I work on continuously with our girls.  When they play together or when we are at playgroup, they have to share, wait their turn, and be mindful of those around them.  I hope that, as they get older, they will (begrudgingly at times) understand that, even if they don’t like someone or they’re not “cool” that they still have to show them respect.  If they don’t understand, you better believe that, when I can, I will be there to remind them.
  3. A family that they can count on.  When I was younger, even when my siblings and I fought and made fun of each other, we always knew that we still had each others’ backs.  You gonna mess with my little brothers?  Well, then you’re going to mess with us and we’re not girls that are afraid to hit boys!  I want my kids to count on each other and build each other up even when others are tearing them down.
  4. Pride in what they do—to understand that their work is a direct reflection of what they put into it.
  5. Entitlement does not exist.  You are not entitled to a grade, you earn it.  You are not entitled to certain clothes, you work to achieve them.  You are not entitled to a car, you work for it.  Etc, etc. 
Our girls are still young, so I’m not sure how we will achieve all of this or if we will.  You just kind of do the best as these things come up.  I won’t shelter them because that is just delaying the inevitable.  Do I want my girls to get picked on?  No way.  Will they?  For sure.  But they will know that they can always come home and get plenty of love from their mom and that I will be here to build them back up when others tear them down. 

But, wouldn’t it be awesome if, as moms, we were resolved to not be backbiters ourselves?  That our kids would see us as people that were respectful to all people regardless of who they are?  If we lead by example, will our kids take note?  Isn’t it worth trying to raise a generation of girls who build each other up instead of tearing each other down?  I, for one, am going to try.