Torn in Two -- Returning to Work Dilemma

It first crossed my mind about a year ago when I was pregnant with Cyril.  I knew at that time that it wasn't going to happen right then, but I really began to contemplate when I would actually do it.  That is, return to work outside the home.

I have been EXTREMELY blessed with my current job.  I am able to work from home part time, have super bosses that are really flexible, etc.  My only issue has been the lack of hands-on engineering that I do with my current job.  And, engineering?  Not exactly something that you can jump back into easily after being out of it  for 10 years.  So began my dilemma.  Do I return to work?  Do I go back to school?  Do I just stay-at-home and begin a new career when I'm older?  Being totally honest, I felt guilty considering going back to work because I don't HAVE to work and there are so many moms that do HAVE to work that would give anything to be a stay-at-home mom.

So, I do what I do with decisions like this--I sit on it and pray about it until I feel that I am being led in one specific direction.  And when I felt led to put some feelers out for part time engineering work, I still felt torn in two.  The war between what was best for my career and long term family goals (i.e. retirement for my husband) versus the guilt of leaving my children--it's tough deciding what is best for your family long term.

I drew up criteria and decided that, if I could find something that met it, I would go for it.  This is what I knew:

1.  I could only work part time (3 days a week).
2.  I wanted to stay in Aerospace and/or Defense (in MI!!!)

I feel like there should have been more...

I had a good conversation with a friend of mine who basically told me not to stress about it--if it is meant to be, the doors will be open.  If not, they won't.  Long story short:  a job totally fell into my lap.  Thanks to a good word from a couple friends/former colleagues and a freshly updated resume (thanks to another friend), I basically had a job offer before I even went for an interview.  Seriously, how often does that happen?

So, here I go.  I'm starting a new job...away from home.  I'm nervous and sad (about being away from my little ones), excited (about getting into some new work), and extremely grateful for a supportive husband who always encourages me to succeed.

**There is a lot of emotion and debate between women when the discussion of work versus home mom comes up.  I read this blog entry over at Momastery and her feelings the work mom versus home mom emotions are spot on for me.  Basically, every decision is a personal one and should be respected as that.  No two families are the same.  

What Happens When the Kids Find Photo Booth

I do this thing...I used to be a little embarrassed by it for some reason but I'm not anymore.  While I nurse Cyril before bed, I put the other two at the computer watching Netflix.  A mom has to survive and I decided that a half hour of Dora/Caillou/whatever is much better than being angry that they keep waking up their little brother.  I have "no touching" policy with the computer which they outright ignore.  For a 2 and almost-4-year-old, they have figured it out pretty well.  But, their latest trick is to open Photo Booth and snap a bunch of pictures.  So, by the time Cyril gets into bed, I get this:

Not too bad

They started getting goofy

Not sure what transpired that the pacifier was necessary

I just love Anna snuggling up to Cecilia in this one

Cecilia begins to take center stage...obviously the one in control

And now we just have Anna's eyes

 I was showing Joe this pictures when I noticed the "Effects" option in Photo Booth.  (Give me a break--the computer is relatively new and I don't spend a lot of time learning about it.)  So, I started clicking on the different effects and could not stop laughing.  I mean, what need is there for the "alien" effect other than a good laugh?

I'm almost crying from laughter

I think this was bug-eye or something.  I like how you can still see
the bags under my eyes from exhaustion.

Chipmunk--I'm still laughing at this one

So, apparently you have to be directly in front of the camera to get the effect which is why Cyril looks normal in most of the pictures.  I think that this adds to the humor because he is looking at us like there is something wrong with us.  Which....clearly, there is.

Meatless Friday - Best Lentil Soup Ever

This is how my kids make me feel most nights....

A friend of mine gave me this recipe and I've been hooked ever since.  She found the original recipe in a pregnancy cookbook so you know that it is chock full of healthy goodness.  She made a couple spice changes--mainly adding garam masala--that makes this hearty soup de-li-cious.  This is what is on our menu for tonight. 

Lentil Soup
1/2 cup brown rice (rinsed)
3 Tbsp canola oil
3 cloves garlic
1 cup diced carrots
1 cup diced celery
1 cup diced onion
1 1/2 cup dried lentils
1 tsp garam masala
2 tsp cumin
2 bay leaves
2 - 32 oz containers chicken or vegetable broth

Saute vegetables and garlic in oil until translucent.  I like to add the spices about halfway through so that they can roast a little bit.  Add lentils, rice, bay leaves, and broth.  Bring to a boil, lower heat, and simmer 1 hour or until lentils & rice is cooked.  Simple and easy, the way I like it.  :)

I've made this with both whole and split lentils and I prefer split lentils.  Either way, I soak them for some amount of time to speed up the cooking time.  Since my kids live on a steady diet of anything-that-I'm-NOT-cooking, I also tend to half the recipe so that I do not have a crazy amount of lentil soup to consume. 

Enjoy!

My Napless, Sugar-Free, Finger in Poop Day

Napless

For some reason our little guy has decided to pick up some of the worst sleeping habits yet.  In addition to getting up a lot at night, he has sworn off any nap that does not include me holding him.  What?!?  I keep hoping it's because he is teething and once that tooth breaks through, we can slowly move back to normal...hopefully...  So, for now, he enjoys just sitting on my lap while I work, trying to grab the mouse as I click away.

Hi, I'm Cyril and I refuse to nap.

But I am cute!

Sugar-Free

I gave up sugar for Lent.*  It's already been the longest Lent ever and it's only been a week.  Turns out that it's not really sugar that I crave--it's food.  I'm not sure when I became an emotional eater.  Plus, I love snacking at night. I can't help but feel like I deserve an award after getting all three kids in bed...but I am really trying to break it this Lent.   

Finger in Poop

Need I say more?  I'm still traumatized by this.  (Yes, I have three kids and have gotten it on me before, but this experience was exceptionally gross.)  You would think that this experience alone would give me that extra motivation to just potty train Anna already.  She can totally do it--I'm just lacking the energy right now.  And I'm a little nervous about where else poop may end up...

*Before Lent, I try to discern what has a greater hold over me than it should.  Not surprisingly, it is typically some type of food--candy, desserts, peanut butter are all really common.

The Preschool Dilemma

So...preschools...yeah...

Ok, so you wouldn't think that this would be that big of a deal.  I went back and forth last year about sending Cecilia to preschool this year and in the end it just didn't feel like it was time--like I was rushing it.  That in addition to expecting a new baby right at the beginning of the school year and not knowing my job situation led me to postpone the decision another year.

I don't actually think that preschool is necessary for all kids.  I never went, I have many friends that never went (people who went to more prestigious schools than I did), and Cecilia is pretty smart so, academically, she would have been find.  But, the state of Michigan now mandates all day kindergarten and I just felt that this could lead to a tough transition.  And she is just somebody who needs more mental stimulation.  So, this year, I gradually started doing some research to find the right preschool.  My criteria was pretty simple:

1.  Price -- this ruled out any posh, private preschool and any school with "Montessori" in the name.  I'm sorry, but I just don't think that my child is going to have a huge advantage over their peers when they enter the workplace  in their 20's just because I managed to shell out a minimum $7500/year for PRESCHOOL!!!  (Is it like this everywhere?  Are all Montessori schools this expensive and, if they are, why?)
2.  Flexibility--because of my schedule and the fact that I have Cecilia enrolled in a preschool catechism program already, I really only wanted to commit to 2 days per week.
3.  Not day care.  I don't believe that you can throw "preschool" in the title and yet be obvious that you are only providing me with a half day of day care.  I already pay somebody to watch my kids, thank you very much.
4.  No coop preschool.  Co-op preschools are really big in this town and I will start by saying that I don't think that they are bad.  Most, though parent run, have actual certified teachers, curriculum, etc.  They work out well for the right people....just not us.  Ok, I was already 85-90% sure that I felt this way...and then we went to an open house at one not far from our home and that experience bumped it up to 100%  110%.  I just don't have the time and, in the end, I really just want to drop my kid off and let the school take it from there.  (Not to mention the potential for parent drama.)

Despite my criteria, I think that we actually found one.  We went to their open house and Cecilia was SUPER excited.  She asks me if she can go to school every day.  Every. Single. Day. Our little girl is growing up.  Unbelievable how fast time goes.

The Perspective of a 3 Year Old

I was having a conversation with Cecilia today and it eventually came around to Uncle Scott, Aunt Mary, and Baby Gloria--Cecilia LOVES to remind me that Uncle Scott is HER Godfather.

Me:  Well, maybe when everybody gets a little bigger, we can go out to Colorado and visit them.
Cecilia:  Yeah, we can go once Cyril is asleep!
Me:  Ummm...it's a really long trip so we won't be able to go during Cyril's nap. Maybe we
Cecilia (cutting me off):  Hey!  Can we go to the beach house and get our bathing suits?
Me:  That would be fun but probably not this year.
Cecilia:  Not this year?  Why?
Me:  Well, we don't go every year because it cost a lot of money.
Cecilia:  We have a lot of money!
Me (confused):  We do?
Cecilia (insistent):  Yes we do!
Me:  Really?  Where is it?
Cecilia:  In the kitchen!
Me (really curious about our stash):  Really?  Where?
Cecilia runs into the kitchen desk, points, and says "Right there!  That is A LOT of money!"

Proud of her find!

I think that we may have to settle for a lot of car washes.  :)

Can I Get a Resolution Over Here?

As I sit here and write this, I can hear my younger daughter hacking like she's been smoking a pack a day since birth.  Every time that one of our children comes down with a new virus, I think "This is it!  We will be out of the woods after this virus."  And then some other bug finds it's way into our house.  And they're mocking me--it always happens when the kids are doing better, the house is freshly sanitized, and all sheets are clean.  And they're kicking my butt--I'm Ex-Haust-Ed!  I tell you all of this to better understand my 2 month hiatus from updating this blog.  (as opposed to my typical one month increments.)

Anyhow...this is no secret to people who know me but I don't do New Year's resolutions.  I figure that I'm making resolutions all of the time--every day/week/month is New Year's over here!  But, this time of the year does generally make you reflect at least a little and think about what you want to do or improve.  I think that it has to do with the gluttony of the holidays.  Even if you do NOT overindulge, for some reason, you feel like you do.  It's like your body and mind need a cleanse.

So, I've decided to try to add specifics to my not-resolution-resolutions.  For instance, I would like to eat better--doesn't everybody?  Specifically, I want to continue to cook more from scratch so that I know what is actually going into our bodies and can modify recipes to make them better.  It seems like a lot of work and sometimes it is.  But, I find that most things just taste better when freshly made.

Also, I would like to work on my patience with my kids and do better at teaching by example.  It's not that I am TERRIBLE but it amazes me daily what these kids absorb.  One day, Cecilia asked to eat standing up and I was like, "What???  Where would she get that from?"  Oh yeah....I do that sometimes.  This is a harmless example and I will continue to eat standing up if I need to but you get the idea.  I'm not into passive parenting but I do find that if I make the extra effort to show my kids more attention and love, they are generally better behaved and happier.  Some days, it's just hard.  It's those days that I want to improve.  Instead of blowing off my child because I'm dusting/sweeping/peeing when they want to show me something, I want to turn to them and give them my attention.  Well, maybe not if I'm peeing....  Otherwise, I may miss silly memories like this:

Here's to a happy and healthy 2013!  Maybe our resolution should be just to love life a little more...like a three-year-old!